3 posts tagged “bitching”
Wow. I don't think I've been quite this uncomfortable since...ever. I have a cold, a hangover, and my period. That takes talent. Or excruciating bad luck.
Update: I didin't think it could get worse than throwing up a little in my mouth as I was brushing my teeth this morning, but it so has. I went to the airport to meet Lando, Sexy Mommie (thanks for the awesome moniker, RQ), and the sweetest little slice of angel food cake ever born. Fine, great, except that I have a cold and am going to greet a new father, a new mother and a newborn. Since I am currently a walking petri dish of germs that could fuck up their world, I kept my distance. It sucked!! I was dying to go and nibble on her teeny tiny toes, but in all good conscience I couldn't. In fact, I had to leave it was so torturous. And I'm done with all the Tucker Max stories. And I'm still writing like a three year old with my injured thumb. And, and, WWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!! I know, I'm a whiny bastard, but I have to at least get it all out here, otherwise I'm going to shit it all over someone in person, and nobody want to hear about the trifecta of hangover symptoms I've been blessed with today. It lacks style.
I. Clearly. Suck. At life.
Anyone who reads this page knows that I am a cocky bitch; a true Jersey girl to the core. Sometimes I'm mean just for my own twisted amusement! And do I ever think that this will get me into trouble? Nah. Well, let me tell you (pitifully small band of) readers - today it almost burned me - big time. What's worse, it almost made my parents look bad, too. My wonderful parents who are endlessly patient and loving with the screw up they landed as a daughter. Jeez!
Okay, the backstory first. The office I sit in is directly across from the door into and out of The Building With No Windows. Every day, without fail, some po faced idiot will come into my office (directly, and without looking around) and ask me where this or that person is. And, without fail, I want to rear out of my chair and separate their empty heads from their bodies with my teeth. The building is a square. One hallway all the way around. Perhaps you could, I don't know, ACTUALLY LOOK FOR THE PERSON'S OFFICE BEFORE INTERRUPTING ME??!!?? But no, how silly of me. That would take a slight effort. And also a brain which you do not possess. Sorry.
Keeping all of this in mind, when I saw a man look into an empty office and then gaze my way I gritted my jaws manfully over my barely leashed annoyance. As I sloooowly clicked off of what I was working on (Because do you see what I am working on? Work! Working! I am very busy and important!), I turned to look at him with what can only be described as the snottiest expression ever to reside on a face. He immediately smiled, stuck out his hand and proceeded to gush about how he knew my folks, and weren't they great. You, see, dear readers, unlike myself this man really is busy and important. He is a head honcho who was kind enough to tell me of the high regard in which he holds my parents. My parents whom I also adore, and who would never be as bitchy as I almost was. What a fucking disaster. I need to remember that this place, this place where I sit my ever widening ass for eight hours a day? This is work, which will always include politics. If I wish to keep my paycheck, that is, and I do.
It was dear readers, a humbling moment. Fo sho! Some days I wonder if I will ever grow up; if I will ever stop being such a fool and willful child. How mortifying.
I was thinking today about my blogging here. So far, I've written about drinking, sex, and people who annoy me - woo hoo! Seriously, maybe I should tag this blog "angry thoughts for an angry life." Sometimes I worry that I'm a cocky bitch, and then when the thought doesn't bother me much, I have to guess that I am. Maybe it's being from Jersey, or maybe that's just who I am, but someone else pissed me right the f*ck off last night!
So we're playing soccer (intramural community league) and a "friend" of mine is slacking off, not playing her position properly, and not marking her girl. Fine. On our team the more experienced players lead on the field and direct the action. I tell slacko where she should be and who she should mark, and she smarts off to me. Speaking of cocky bitches! Anyways, what really gets me is that I've been playing soccer since I was seven - roughly 22 years, and slacko is in the middle of only her second year. Sure, now, she's a better athelte than me, and I would never presume to tell her about basketball, but there are a lot of things about soccer (or any other sport) that you can only absorb after years and years. Auhhh!
Whew, sorry, must have forgotten to take my medication today. Ha. It's just, I really don't think it's me. The world is kind of populated by idiots, and you're lucky if you can find some kindred spirits to laugh and be family with. I am lucky enough to have those irreverant people in my life, even if self involved bitches sometimes make me forget what a great life I really have. Ooh, there, ended on a postive note - maybe all hope is not lost for me after all.
